Costelloe-KuehnMemo2

habits
 * i like to think i avoid falling into habitual behavior and habits by exposing myself to new contexts and ideas, but i also probably underestimate the value of repetitious behavior. i like to think that i habitually try to unsettle tendencies.
 * in terms of habits defined as "the prevailing disposition or character of a person's thoughts and feelings: mental makeup," i find it difficult to articulate just one "prevailing" aspect. i prefer to think of myself as "teeming with ghosts," yet i recognize the value of a single word as a "focusing device," or lens with which to make connections. for example, having "translation" in the back of my mind, along with other conceptual lenses, helps me to interpret inputs in useful ways.
 * procrastination.. why? should this go in the "neuroses" section? this next week i am starting my memos immediately following class. i will work on class work for at least one hour immediately following each class. that's a resolution.
 * i learn well recursively. each time i encounter a text, argument, question, etc. i have different other texts, arguments, questions in the back of my mind and therefore learn something new. repetition with a difference. remix.
 * i am a wanderer. i wasn't sure if i should put this in habits, neuroses, or talents. i'm an enabler, not a constrainer. i am trying to learn spanish, italian, french and hindi at the same time right now. the result is that i can't really speak any of them. i am trying to learn guitar, sitar, drum set, cuban percussion, flute, piano... i have dabbled in many forms of dance: tap, modern, improvisation, hip-hop, ballet, swing, tango, jamaican. but i do not excel in any one form. when i forced myself to dance with the vassar repertoire dance theater, i was able to learn a beautiful and complex "jamaican suite" and the bodily discipline, strength, and flexibility i acquited enabled me to dance every other form better. i resist constraining myself, but when i do i am often enabled and productive.
 * in organizing the readings for my exam list, it was fairly easy to create “categories” but deciding where to put each text was quite difficult.
 * each reading has so many sticky threads and could clump together with other readings in many, many different ways. what axes should I use to come up with useful categories? what traits should be used as a measurement of relationality? methodology employed? topics approached?
 * i much prefer using multiple tags or labels for each reading. but the process of “clumping” was helpful because it provided another "constrabling" way to go over the readings and think conceptually about the many possible ways to make connections. it helped to just “hang out” with the material, and get a better “feel for” it, in Keller’s sense, i think.
 * the anxiety I felt in this clumping process felt similar to mapping exercises based on Clarke’s //Situational Analysis//. coming up with categories (“social worlds,” “arenas”) and force-fitting elements of research design into these boxes (“group” or “individual?”) enabled me to play with and interrogate these elements and their potential relationships in a new way.

neuroses
 * tendency for the expansive. extremely difficult to narrow and leave projects/aspects behind
 * bias. i have a deeply ingrained anti-capitalist, anti-state, anti-power, anarchist-inspiredworldview.
 * when put "on the spot," i often find it difficult to speak. i think i am afraid of leaving out important information. i am deeply distrusting of language's capacity to carry my intended meaning.
 * i am not good at defining or envisioning a particular future and goals and working in that direction. i am much better at working intensely in the moment with what is at hand.
 * i need to get organized.
 * is it "cheating" to look through other students' responses on this memo in order to spark my own thoughts?
 * i am a bit of a hedonist. i almost put this under "talents." but privileging pleasure in the moment often comes at the cost of planning, security, deeper fulfillment...
 * i'm generally bad at talking on the phone.
 * it's uncomfortable for me to say what my "research questions" are before entering the "field." i prefer surprise over prediction and this makes "planning" rub me the wrong way.

talents
 * good at listening. i am good at deferring my own response and giving a "charitable reading" to others' thoughts.
 * reading across texts, interviews, films, other data points and drawing connections and contradictions
 * when i commit to a repeating activitity (i.e. yoga before class on tuesday) i am good at following through.
 * while i found it very difficult to come up with habits, neuroses, talents of mine "on my own," simply reading through ali's posted definitions of habits set off and triggered plenty of thoughts. i work well with inspiration. i am a slow reader, but i am good at linking up disparate texts and experiences.
 * i have good mental endurance when i am excited about a project.